WTF
by Morbid-Vampiress
Summary: ....umm...its like Lord of The Rings and From Hell all jammed into one story


**Hello everyone you may remember at the end of the _Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, _when Frodo and Bilbo went to live with the elves. Well, this is their story after that.**

"Uncle Bilbo, How long is this boat ride going to last?" asked Frodo leaning against his uncle. Somehow by the elves magic from these areas Frodo's voice had become high pitched and girly.

"I really have no idea Frodo, but I hope it will be soon because I'm board." Said Bilbo who had somehow, also by Elvin magic, become young again.

They traveled for what seemed like years. On and on they went with only water and fog to look at. Until on day Frodo was awaken by the shouts of, "land".

"Where," cries Frodo, "I can't see anything."

"Of course you can't, you don't have elf eyes your puny eyes can't see through dense fog like ours." called some elf, "Stupid hobbit."

When they reached the island Frodo looked around, it was beautiful. There were mountains, forests, and beaches. Frodo couldn't help but wonder if there was a land like the Shire back home. He was greeted by many beautiful elves of all kinds. The reason this land had so many different features was because all elves don't live in the same area. So anyway he was greeted by many elves.

"Uncle Bilbo, do you think Legolas is here?" asked Frodo

"I'm sure he is Frodo." Replied Bilbo.

"Where then?"

"Do I look like I know? Gosh! You have to many questions for a hobbit your age!"

"Well, Fine then I will go look for him on my own."

So on Frodo looked, he searched high and low. He went to the forest where he felt Legolas would be because he lived there during his days on Middle Earth, but he wasn't there. Then Frodo looked in the mountains, but once again he was not there. Finally he decided to look at the beaches. He found Legolas, but Legolas was in no position to talk. Legolas was dead. As Frodo stared at Legolas' cold, mutilated, and lifeless body he couldn't help but wonder, "Where did his head go?"

Suddenly a voice from behind Frodo made him jump. "Hello Frodo is that you?" Frodo jumped and slowly turned around. It was Aragorn.

"Aragorn what are you doing here I thought you couldn't come here because you weren't an elf?"

"Yeah, well, I'm not supposed to be here but Arwen was able to pull a few strings with her dad had he said I could come." Aragorn replied.

"Wow, and for the longest time I thought he was just an old stuck up tight wade. Shows how much I know."

"So what happened here?"

"I don't know, but I have a feeling that who ever did this is still at large and still on the island."

"Well, No Duh they're still on the island once you're here you can't leave ever again."

"Oh, well…umm…that to."

"Well, what do you propose we do?"

"I say we find who ever killed our dear friend, and make sure they never do something like this ever again."

"Oh Yeah, that sounds really manly. How about we kill them and throw their body into a volcano."

"That sounds good, but there is only one problem."

"What?"

"There are no volcanoes here."

"Oh, Good point…well we could just kill them."

"Ok but I think we are going to need some help."

"Right." So Aragorn and Frodo contact their friends Merry, Pippin, Gandalf, Gimli, and Sam. They all come and the hunt for the killer is on.

"Ok everyone this is the plane we find the person who killed Legolas and kill them." Said Frodo.

"Right, sounds good to me what about you all." Said Gandalf.

"Sounds good here," said Gimli.

"Yeah were in," said Merry, Pippin, and Sam.

"I just have on question," said Aragorn, "how are we supposed to find this person without any clues. Frodo and I buried the body with out thinking about looking for clues."

"Well that sounds like something Pippin would do," said Gandalf.

"Hey I'm not all that stupid," said Pippin, "in fact I have a plan." Pippin explains that they could use someone to draw the killer to kill them because obviously who ever it was wanted to break up the fellowship and when the killer has killed them then they can look for clues.

"Good idea Pip, but who will be bait?" asked Merry.

"Lets draw straws," suggested Frodo.

"Ok Mr.Frodo, but I don't want you to get hurt so if you get the short straw I will go for you if you would like," said Sam.

"Thanks Sam, you were always a good friend, but a terrible gardener," said Frodo.

Well the straw picking went on. Sam didn't have to go for Frodo, but he did have to go because he got the short straw. The group said their goodbyes and sent Sam on his way. Just as they suspected they found Sam dead the next morning. They looked for the clues and went to pay their respects to their dear friend.

"Sam why did you pick the short straw? Why didn't I go for you?" cried Frodo, "Why Oh, Why Oh well, that's enough of that let's get on with the story please."

The remainder of the fellowship took the clues they had found and went on the search for the killer. They looked all day. It started to get dark.

"I say we make camp here for tonight," said Gandalf.

"Sounds good to me," said Frodo.

"But we need a look out," said Aragorn.

"I will do it a dwarf is not afraid of a wee bit of darkness or nasty killers on the loose," said Gimli.

"It is settled then Gimil will keep watch tonight and we will continue our search in the morning," said Gandalf.

They all slept soundly that night oblivious to anything around them. The morning came and one by one the fellowship woke up to find their dwarf friend murdered.

"I don't know if I can take much more of this," cries Pippin.

"This is the third person since this story had started," said Merry.

"Is it just my or do you think this author just likes to kill people," said Frodo.

"I don't know but I know I don't want to be the next person to be look out," said Gandalf

"You are all a bunch of babies I will be look out tonight and you will see that it was all a coincidence," said Aragorn.

Well as you can probably guess the rest of the group continued and once again they had to make camp. They awoke in the morning to find you guessed it Aragorn's dead body. This continued on after Aragorn there was Gandalf, then Pippin, and then it was only Merry and Frodo.

"Merry how about we take lookout in shifts tonight."

"Ok sounds good to me."

"You go first."

"Ummmmm…Ok…then you will take it in three hours."

"Ok, Good night."

"Yeah good night." But it wasn't a good night Frodo was awoken by a blood-curtailing scream.

"WHAT IS THAT? WHO IS THERE?" Frodo saw a dark shape move towards him. "WHO ARE YOU? WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

"Shut up you never where a bright hobbit."

"Uncle Bilbo?"

"Yeah Uncle Bilbo. Stupid hobbit."

"You are the killer, but why?"

"Yeah I'm the killer I am surprised you didn't find that out sooner I wrote Bilbo was here on all the bodies."

"Uncle Bilbo NOOOOO, WHY?"

"Because I didn't like what you all did to my ring. You have no idea how that ate me up on the inside to know you where going to destroy my precious. I loved my ring so I got my revenge. If you join the dark side I will spare your life."

"Never!"

"Frodo, I am your father. Do not deny the darkness."

"Really, Daddy."

"No not really, I just always wanted to say that. So what do you say join the dark side or die."

"Ok what the hay, I'll join you, but on one condition."

"What's that?"

"I want health and a dental plan."

"Awww come here you."

**_The End_**

_"Yeah, It's finally over now I can go back to my true love…Dancing!"_


End file.
